Mt.St. Helens

Mt.St. Helens

Sunday, January 29, 2012

a missed post ? this is information from 2011 flood in my home town


At some POINT you will realized that you have done too much for someone. That the... only next possible step to do is to STOP. It's not like you're giving up, and it's not like you shouldn't try- It's just that you have to draw the line of DETERMINATION from DESPERATION ... What is truly yours will eventually be yours and What is not, no matter how hard you try - will never be...(Flo Aguila)
don't remember now where I saw this but it moves me.... so I am sharing

I AM leaving this up only because of the last line.  K- did not mean to give you a fright .




more  flood info coming out of Owego
A thin layer of mud coated the sidewalks and streets in downtown Owego as floodwaters began to recede on Friday -- a grimy reminder of a record flood and the extensive cleanup that lies ahead. The main north-south road through town remained a series of lakes. There was driftwood in the courthouse lawn.
On the roads that were passable, residents pushed carts, pulled wagons, carried bags with bottled water, food or ice, if it could be found. Water service was off. The power went out Thursday. And officials said the sewer plant flooded and was shut down.
"The town is closed," Jim Morris, the village fire chief, said Friday afternoon as officials literally shut the community off to incoming traffic. "We're still trying to rescue people, and we've got people trying to come in."
Owego and the surrounding area are among the hardest hit by flooding, Gov. Andrew Cuomo said during a news conference at Binghamton Regional Airport in the town of Maine. The isolated nature of the region only adds to the severity of the situation.
The two main bridges into Owego are closed over concerns about their stability. The blockade went up on Route 38. Inside, only emergency vehicles and those carrying people out of town are now allowed on the roads.
"We are devastated with the disaster we're seeing," Mayor Ed Arrington said, estimating 90 percent of commercial buildings had been flooded.
Officials imposed a curfew Friday night because of looting and brought in state troopers for help.
The area was inundated both by Owego Creek and the Susquehanna River -- the latter, which crested at roughly 40 feet, was eight feet above the previous record and 10 feet above flood stage, according to the National Weather Service.
More than half the village's 3,700 or more residents had been evacuated, officials said, and an untold number from the town. Three shelters were at or nearing capacity. There were no fatalities or serious injuries reported as of mid-afternoon.
Those who stayed either volunteered or tried to make do, eager for any news and frustrated by the lack of answers.
When will power be restored? Don't know. When will people be able to return? Don't know. When will this road reopen, or that one? Don't know.
"We don't want anyone on the roads unless they have to be," said Donald Castellucci, town supervisor. "These roads are compromised. And with the water so high, we can't assess the damage."
The only sure answer was for those asking about access to medications. The answer: Evacuate.
State, county and local agencies are responding, and quickly, said Sen. Thomas W. Libous, R-Binghamton, who flew over the area with Cuomo on Friday. Supplies were flown in Friday and in almost unheard of night missions Thursday by the New York Army National Guard to a shelter that was without food or water up the road in Nichols.
"I cannot stress enough to people that this is serious," Libous said, urging evacuated residents to stay away until the waters recede, the situation is safe and authorities announce a re-entry plan. "This is going to take time."
Arrington made a plea for patience and compassion, which he said was being answered in part by a volunteer force of 200 to 300.
Then there were those like Chris Pellicano, a 22-year resident of Church Street. He set up folding tables in his driveway, brought out food and established what became a neighborhood feeding station. Others joined in, emptying their fridges and freezers.
"We decided to take the initiative and just try and take hold of what's going on," Pellicano said. "You know, because we don't know what is going to happen."
Over on Lake Street, Maureen Mathewson and neighboring shop owners were trying to pump out their waterlogged basements in stages for fear the buildings might otherwise collapse. At Mathewson's Tender Loving Care property, floodwaters nearly reached the first floor.
"We already know we are going to need a new electrical system. Where am I going to get the money for that?" Mathewson said. "What am I going to do?"
The Red Cross established a central aid station Friday evening. During the day, with so many roads impassable, officials used a series of supply "islands" or loaded pickups with bottled water and drove around their section of town.
Other than people talking, the only sound in the village was that of generators, and occasionally of Blackhawk helicopters ferrying in supplies....

and the sounds of 80 year old Walt Harrison saying hell no I won't go !

Saturday, January 28, 2012

another Saturday flows by...

can I say quietly
i noticed no football games are on
:)

I have nothing against a good game (of virtually any kind), but I do get sick of something in my face 5 out of 7 days per week.
I have been working hard on my organizing me class. this weeks challenge has been stuck for 3 days in the same general local, but I think I may have an idea, so when I am done here I may go put it to fruiation.
Z- is on his own to-do list, so I am on my own to finish my homework.
Pain is 8+ today so medication will be happening
Prayers to All.

May Kindness emanate from my being through my every word and action.
Allow me to Forgive and Forge ahead with a Rekindled Spirit.

Blessings.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

365 days gone

a full year from the last time.......
why do I still miss you ?
I believed you were sick. ... past tense....
you are sick, PTSD is an illness. thats sick.
I think I still love you because I believe that you are acting on thoughts controlled by the mental illness. ( example "the world is ending in 2012 so I might as well just live and spend my money" ) that means I believe essentially, that you are not responsible for your actions,... but no...this is not so,.... so, I  need to change how I think, because I know that some where in you, there IS a moral compass, You do know Right from Wrong,   I watched you try to teach it to a child....all the while living a lie...( no wonder it didn't work.)
 You also told me that to create a victim was a sin that had to be atoned for. even cutting someone off in traffic, was going to have to be repaid. wonder what the cost of taking advantage of a handing capped person is , ouch !   ... 
 I believe you thought even if the world does not end this year, you will soon have full blown dementia &/or Alzheimer's like your brother, so you can act as you like, and have no consiquences, you won't even remember it, sounds to good to be true.  you are getting away with some stuff, laughing all the way,  but  what you may not have considered, is that you may live to be in your mid 80's (as your Dad did) and you may be clear of mind, (just as your Dad was,) to every evil deed you ever did, thats another 20 years !  you will either do the right thing or you won't. (I'm guessing "won't", but my heart is hoping you will do the right thing for your mortal soul.)
I want to be cleansed of your wrongful doings. I know that anything anyone can do for me financially, will not make a great difference in my life, it's just money. In the end I will still be Me, and I am GOOD. I gave everything I had to give, for the right reason, LOVE.
a whole year spent missing so much about you,...  reminding myself.....
your smell...... can buy my own bottle of brute... yet I still like Polo better ...
 your touch.... $92. dollar BOB.....
....everything else that comes to mind was not true. the good person I saw in those moments at the VA, or on the road, not real.... you used to say you liked leaving people just a little bit better off than you found them... you used to say this to people as you left them, usually laughing from a joke.....priceless
so for around one hundred dollars you were replaced.

a year of mourning coming to a close and I am ready for a new year. and some day soon enough I will have the 1 year anniversary of the last time I saw you in court....








Tuesday, January 10, 2012

my day will come

so I get my day in court. we go to trial. 
he offered $2500. yesterday  commisinoner thinks I should take it, Lawyer says she owes it to me to try to get more. all i want is to read my statement. so I need to get some help writing it, K.  I will be finding out just when, (soon I hope) and then they can play the legal aspect of it as long as I get to read my statment, then forever it will be a matter of PUBLIC RECORD what "we" were. 
I saw potential for a good person I cannot help the choices he made. selfish, greedy, and a first class liar.  never seen better. and manipulation ?  he's expert ! and of course I am handicapped with a brain injury, but he got away with my entire life. he took from a handicapped woman!
 but I have risen from the ashes before, and I was a better person for it, so I will get there again, Lord willin'.
I have these horrible moments that suck the very air out of me, I cry till I am dry, then sleep, and start all over again when I wake.
 for some reason unknown to me I am alive and going through the motions. who the hell cares where it leads I am here and for now that is enough, but not for always, I want to live again, I want to enjoy the things in nature I used to. I want to walk my neighborhood without fear, wonder if I will be able to walk in the mountains again.
friends say I just need to keep going forward. well meaning tho they are they have no idea what my heart is feeling. I will not be told when he leaves this earth I will not know the joys the pains the daily life of Johnnie Larmore any more. I have never known such a bad man. I believed when he said he loved me,  I believed him when he said he would never leave I believed when he said he would take care of me in my old age fucking liar. he was good at looking me straight in the eyes and lying.  thats an art. Micheal you were only learning ! 

must remember.......
stop whining !

 drawing somehow helps,  focus maybe......
just in case I missed it the first time I will post it again... remember. mean people suck, even if you love them.


Sunday, January 8, 2012

fun on facebook


Pay it forward 2012...I promise to make something handmade for the first five people who comment. They must in turn post this and make something for the first five people who comment on their status. The rules are it has to be handmade by you and they must receive it before 2012 ends... it can be as simple as making a friend a cup of coffee. This could be fun!!...

another facebook entry. not sure how they keep showing up here but I'm just rolling with it.
I had to read it twice to see that I needed to repost it on my page first then respond. still sweet thought and 2 friends responded to mine so far. tho they had not posted it to their wall yet.

my Dusti, has left facebook. I am soo sad, I really have enjoyed seeing something from her every few days, (more often than any other way !) I know lots of you have crazy busy lives, and she has as busy as any, but to loose a point of contact at this age seems scarey to me. especially where kids are concerned. we do our best, then they are adults, and their actions are their responsibility. yes I know it is embarrassing but try HARD not to let it be, every one who knows you knows you are the best parents on the planet. come back to facebook just remove your kids from your friends list till they are behaving better ! we have all had a hell of a year we need to hug it out !

court Monday morning, 9am. Prayers, Please !

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Memories finding a way in

I was RAISED; I didn't just grow up. I was taught to speak when I enter a room, say please & thank you, to have respect for my elders, to get up off my lazy butt and let the elder in the room have my chair, say yes sir and no sir, lend a helping hand to those in need, hold the door for the person behind me, say excuse me when it's needed, & to love people for who they are, not for what you can get from them! I was also taught to treat people the way I want to be treated!


this was from facebook and sometimes that silly site picks me up and reconnects me to those I have loved forever, and brings new life to me. and sometimes you turn it on and it is a sucker punch. Nikki caught me with a right hook this week. I find it amazing that I still feel love and say Prayers. the future of all those Grand babies is in Gods very capable hands. they are in my heart forever.

I see the little old lady in me coming out way too much !! my hands look like Grandmas' did when I was a young woman. I remember when Grandma Betty told me to "enjoy them looking so young it's only a matter of time" as she looked from her hands to mine that were at that moment wiping the nose of my young son. some days seem so normal that we forget them yet some of those days turn out so large in my mind, I can remember how warm it was and what a beautiful drive to grandmothers house it had been with carrie singing over the hill & thru the woods to grandmothers house we go....

my ipod died the final croak on New Years day I am so disallusioned with apple and their customer service that I will not replace this beloved gift from my son. I have not even got to use it for a full year ! SHAME ON YOU APPLE INC . !!!
so now I am using Pandora on the internet and the music channels on the tv when I have tv !! I am thinking I may get another stereo and do the old fashion CD thing ! then apple can "kiss my furry little ass." ( the quote is from a sticker Nikki gave me about 10 years ago !)
I am trying to do an organize class for my scraproom and hope that at the end of week 8 things will be much easier to get to and do projects. I am looking forward to getting all the creative memories albums gone thru and removing the jonnie years from the focus of done albums, I think I will change them up to create the Christmas album and such while it is in disarray make the great change I want to see in my future with the past photos getting started, at least tore apart.

Good bye Christmas decorations ! been working on taking them down all day yesterday and today. down to the lights on the tree which has to wait on son.....we shall see ! ask me next week if its done yet ! LOL!

court on Monday

makes me sick to my stomache. just thinking about having to see him. tho the attorney said because of the restraining order he will not be in the same room, I should not have to see him. tho I am a bit worried about the house while I am at court. in the past he has used knowing I was out to harm my enviroment. Now that I live in someone elses home, I worry that he will damage more that I cannot afford to fix. I am so sick over his illness. how is it that someone is allowed to be that bad and gets away with it ?

Monday, January 2, 2012

Family is family: You argue, you fight, you stop talking at times, but the truth is the love is always there. Love your family with all your heart because you will never know when they will be gone . you will never get to apologize or say goodbye. Always remember what FAMILY stands for: F(orever) A(lways) M(ine), I L(ove) Y(ou).
unless you are somehow connected to me and then it means:
F-fuck with her at every opportunity,
A-a little truth keeps her believing
M-make up any story she is gullable !
I- in a pinch, ask her, she always gives,
L- LIE LIE LIE TO HER IT IS WHAT MOST ALL DO
Y-Yes! she believes these lies,

too many things are hurting and I no longer have a cheek to turn my head is hanging, I cry all the fucking time.  no, thats an exageration I only cry 10-15 times a day.  I even had a few days in December where I cried hardly at all, so in hopes of feeling better some day I keep going forward, making cards and food, going to weddings(where the officiant is the judge that thinks I am scum), taking care of animals, visiting with friends that stop by, loving those that still allow it.  all in hopes that I will come out of this fog, and feel better, and with any luck I will still be able to live a productive life.