April Fools Day...

what to do what to do Zane and I need a good laugh any ideas ?   

then on Monday Carrie & Grand kids come over.  :)  then the 7th Dusti arrives :)  then the 13th I get Sallie & add Annette to the band on Thursday the 14th......add all of that to MY Girls at the retreat at Deception Pass in April. the Tulip festival is going on then as well,  so when we leave the retreat on Sunday we will still have fun things to see and do.   but the 18th is gonna suck cuz Dusti & Annette leave and Sallie the next day. :(   this too shall pass. how come good stuff ends so damn fast and bad times seem to drag on forever ?

good parts of recent days ....

 My shortter tailed Tigger playing with an ice cube in his water glass

 aren't they beautiful !

 Ki said this one smells pretty !

 Ivy  enjoys the spring flowers too !

 Goobers home away from home

 PLEASE tell me Mommy will come back for me !!

 my "original Kristen artwork"  she will never know the joy she brings.

the cat wants to know who the hell said Goober could sleep there

glitz is going on the wall :)   3/31/11



when I think back on all the crap I learned in high school.....I  can read the writting.....

 my Hyacients  they smell as yummy as they are beautiful

 on her own now and truely becoming a peice of art. the frame will be made of the wood there stained a mahogany I think...stay tuned...

 full tailed Tigger

 Big Brother i need some tree time !

 I am having more and more fun  !!

  I am finally going to get to put Ayla to bed !! the final book !  this will be the first book I have completed since the accident ...stay tuned and ask how it ends.

My Girl Misty. yes occasionally alcohol is involved !  we like it that way !

a week of rest

 I took the week off from the court system I will tackle it again this coming week, get what ever I can done before Dusti gets here.  21 days till the retreat !
I made an appointment with a consular the same one we went to as a group but I am hopeful that I can get some clarity, I guess. I know that she doesn't give answers or advice but somehow I am looking to her for help I hope she can.
biggest problem right now ?  I am not sure of what the questions are that need answering.
had the car looked at after towing and the complete systems check  I have more knowledge and a lot less money ! $245. to be exact. and a car that is making noise in the motor, now the tech said I could spend more money it would be a minimum of 3 hours mechanic time to confirm their diagnostic but he would not recommend it. the motor is getting ready to throw a rod.
so the  "X to be"  has offered to the Son a new rebuilt motor but at the garage of his choice and the restraining order must be dropped .   Son took the car to the garage but I am not sure what to do about the restraining order. I am afraid  he will come here and hurt me or my animals or the house itself, I do not need that stress, I have to find a new place to live. I have to figure out how to live on my own again.  find my will power.    I am so tired. weary to the bone tired.  but I will get better I have to.
all the loss of those I consider family has been the worst grief I have ever experienced. cannot tell you how the sense of loss drowns me at times. Grand children, children, the love of my life, I don't know why they are all taken from me at once Lord, But I am doing my best to come out of this comfortably numb place. I have to hold to the fact you will not give me more than I can handle. but geeze enough already, please.  Thank You.

 the pages I will be working on at the retreat

 see the elk horns ......

 beautiful crocuses 2011

 My Ivy

 current view in the Master Suite. it is for rent  email me your dates !

 Found Daddy...going 20 mph left turn .....she is just all out running ! fun to watch her enjoy Spring in our forest.

 this dog loves to run

 she is running a consistant 25 mph for a mile or more !

 looking for the stick Daddy threw.

Found it !

and Lord every day many times a day I am reminded of how Blessed I truly am with family and friends,   phone calls, cards, thoughts, Prayers, emails, they are a great part of what keeps me getting out of bed every morning.  keep them coming. I will try to keep sending out great thoughts and many Prayers with every card I make and send.
Blessings to one and all, L

A good Monday of sorts

funny this one should come up first. I hesitated uploading it but it is legal and how I am living these days. if you like dark chocolate the Lindt excellence a touch of seasalt is addictive. new wire frame readers that my Kristen bought me :)

 more work to do on the mural :)

 after a couple hours of work my mountain has clouds forming

 sign I am going to post on my front window

 Zane his Dog Ki and his car. 3/20/11

 first skunk cabbage

Moms crocus bed

Ivy out surveying the neighborhood

a day

 Court all day nothing changed
there is still and order of protection in effect. he can not come here.
why does he want to? He wanted a divorce, settled for a legal separation because I feel its as much medical and communication?
 does the laptop and tv really mean so much to him. ?
or is it that you really know that you fucked up the best relationship you ever had?. and that once these things are gone from my life they are truly gone.

can you believe a grown man, scratch grown, a mature 61 year old man,  would  leave a vehicle in that condition on purpose because he is mad.....PTSD...
get help
GET FUCKING HELP !  I am not your organism to drain any longer you are your own mess. fix yourself! and leave me the space to fix me. 

For the record if any his family wonders just ask I tell the facts, use good judgement when believing all that he says because I have heard some far out lies from his lips and letters to a judge  these last 2 weeks and I'm not sure that I know the man I saw in court today. (Oh I recognized him wearing the suit I bought for him a year ago to go back to NC & KY......) mind wise tho he's messed up. someone needs to get him help. I really thought his son would jump on that, but not that I can see.  I think he is headed for some kind of break down and it isn't going to be pretty. how does one get help for someone that doesn't think they need it ? does it really take blood shed ?

going on ?

I guess that is what I am doing. with no defined target just knowing I will be okay .  another kind of limbo I find myself in. cant find the housing paper work, hope it is with the stuff Kristen has. she will be here later. she was here typing her arms off. golly court takes a lot of paper ! and housing papers were in with so they are found  & will ask questions tomorrow . I file statements tomorrow as well.

God,
 Thank You for the wonderful people I do have in my life.  Is there anyway that I can keep only the good ones and not attract any more assholes ?  I am a good person, I do for others..... right now tons of people are doing for me. help me find a way to gracefully accept and to gratefully repay the universe all the grand it has given me. Help me to remember to be thankful. help me to fill someones need, before they realize it is a need like Misty did for me.
Thank You for the sweet memories of loved ones past and the promise of seeing them again on the other side.
 Amen

appointments rule the world right now. I really thought I would be writing here everyday but it seems as tho I am writing something for the courts every day and my arm is so sore, inside and down the right rib cage.    at least the back strain is better.  but I am not spending a lot of time online I check e-mail once a day most days facebook maybe 2 times but by the time I am done there arm is done. so today I started here maybe that will have to be the new routine. wish I could get a decent routine going for myself. scheduling seems to be hard to stick to I walked this morning and I keep telling myself how good for me it is. ("yeah who gives a shit ? " is what myself snaps back.....) maybe I need a stronger antidepressant :) well these thought patterns are not helpful. sooooo  change the subject my happy place...

tigger

before loss of tail

happy to unpack his toys

mine mine mine

I'm holding the wall....

rub my tummy

stool hardly big enough

the cord goes to my heating pad

merry hoho

lady....put the camera away...

unkle Ckugjo

Kristen and her lil' Goober

if you click on this one it is life size !

my Granddog Ki & Goob

Isn't he cute !

sweet Goob

high flying Goob

sleep Ivy

 my animals keep me smiling thru my tears and make me laugh till I cry......thank You God for all of my friends !