a full year from the last time.......
why do I still miss you ?
I believed you were sick. ... past tense....
you are sick, PTSD is an illness. thats sick.
I think I still love you because I believe that you are acting on thoughts controlled by the mental illness. ( example "the world is ending in 2012 so I might as well just live and spend my money" ) that means I believe essentially, that you are not responsible for your actions,... but no...this is not so,.... so, I need to change how I think, because I know that some where in you, there IS a moral compass, You do know Right from Wrong, I watched you try to teach it to a child....all the while living a lie...( no wonder it didn't work.)
You also told me that to create a victim was a sin that had to be atoned for. even cutting someone off in traffic, was going to have to be repaid. wonder what the cost of taking advantage of a handing capped person is , ouch ! ...
I believe you thought even if the world does not end this year, you will soon have full blown dementia &/or Alzheimer's like your brother, so you can act as you like, and have no consiquences, you won't even remember it, sounds to good to be true. you are getting away with some stuff, laughing all the way, but what you may not have considered, is that you may live to be in your mid 80's (as your Dad did) and you may be clear of mind, (just as your Dad was,) to every evil deed you ever did, thats another 20 years ! you will either do the right thing or you won't. (I'm guessing "won't", but my heart is hoping you will do the right thing for your mortal soul.)
I want to be cleansed of your wrongful doings. I know that anything anyone can do for me financially, will not make a great difference in my life, it's just money. In the end I will still be Me, and I am GOOD. I gave everything I had to give, for the right reason, LOVE.
a whole year spent missing so much about you,... reminding myself.....
your smell...... can buy my own bottle of brute... yet I still like Polo better ...
your touch.... $92. dollar BOB.....
....everything else that comes to mind was not true. the good person I saw in those moments at the VA, or on the road, not real.... you used to say you liked leaving people just a little bit better off than you found them... you used to say this to people as you left them, usually laughing from a joke.....priceless
so for around one hundred dollars you were replaced.
a year of mourning coming to a close and I am ready for a new year. and some day soon enough I will have the 1 year anniversary of the last time I saw you in court....
why do I still miss you ?
I believed you were sick. ... past tense....
you are sick, PTSD is an illness. thats sick.
I think I still love you because I believe that you are acting on thoughts controlled by the mental illness. ( example "the world is ending in 2012 so I might as well just live and spend my money" ) that means I believe essentially, that you are not responsible for your actions,... but no...this is not so,.... so, I need to change how I think, because I know that some where in you, there IS a moral compass, You do know Right from Wrong, I watched you try to teach it to a child....all the while living a lie...( no wonder it didn't work.)
You also told me that to create a victim was a sin that had to be atoned for. even cutting someone off in traffic, was going to have to be repaid. wonder what the cost of taking advantage of a handing capped person is , ouch ! ...
I believe you thought even if the world does not end this year, you will soon have full blown dementia &/or Alzheimer's like your brother, so you can act as you like, and have no consiquences, you won't even remember it, sounds to good to be true. you are getting away with some stuff, laughing all the way, but what you may not have considered, is that you may live to be in your mid 80's (as your Dad did) and you may be clear of mind, (just as your Dad was,) to every evil deed you ever did, thats another 20 years ! you will either do the right thing or you won't. (I'm guessing "won't", but my heart is hoping you will do the right thing for your mortal soul.)
I want to be cleansed of your wrongful doings. I know that anything anyone can do for me financially, will not make a great difference in my life, it's just money. In the end I will still be Me, and I am GOOD. I gave everything I had to give, for the right reason, LOVE.
a whole year spent missing so much about you,... reminding myself.....
your smell...... can buy my own bottle of brute... yet I still like Polo better ...
your touch.... $92. dollar BOB.....
....everything else that comes to mind was not true. the good person I saw in those moments at the VA, or on the road, not real.... you used to say you liked leaving people just a little bit better off than you found them... you used to say this to people as you left them, usually laughing from a joke.....priceless
so for around one hundred dollars you were replaced.
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