it is and amazing thing. I was once told some thing about having hope or there would be nothing to hope for.
I have hope that he will get help. I really thought he might get it today but I am wrong. they did not keep him.
he said he was sorry almost sounded as tho he meant it , but he lies terribly and he uses me so I must stay at a safe distance both mentally and physically. the restraining order is still in effect. I will not let that drop. I had a few precious hours this evening where any thing was possible I could even go for walks now.... yeah right . I got to talk to him. granted it was not what I would have liked to converse about but it was what was needed. and he did go for help they just didn't keep him.
who knows what he told them. I had a turning point a week or so ago, I feel somehow as tho I am past the bottom, and ready to try the climb back to life, today I awoke with the usual where is he?? and then the remember, then the tears then the just get up and get the day going shake it off.... feed the animals take care of myself all the while uneasy, naggy every time I walked by a window, finally I put my pistol in my pocket , uneasy feeling abated. 2 hours later a call J is in the er for mental issues. guess that explains my naggy feeling. then dealing with police and J, getting to tell him get yourself help fix you then you can work at fixing the rest of your life's fuck ups. he kept saying death was the only way I finally told him that he had better sit down and write to his 10 grandkids tell them he is sorry for being such a jerk.
I need to finish the time line prepare for a trial he now says he won't show up to.
I now think that today was all in attempt to make SSD believe he was unbalanced when he had my attorney send a "I no Longer want ssd" letter to drop his benefits so I can't have them. makes perfect sense to his messed up mind. and how off balance he kept me , of course the brain injury didn't hurt his plan at all.
I put my trust for my financial futer in the hands of a man that was there to take advantage and he did and when the money was gone so was my house, I still had my car if I could catch up the payments he quit making, so he stole it and ruined it we still owed almost $9000. on it . and sorry is supposed to fix it ?
I have hope that he will get help. I really thought he might get it today but I am wrong. they did not keep him.
he said he was sorry almost sounded as tho he meant it , but he lies terribly and he uses me so I must stay at a safe distance both mentally and physically. the restraining order is still in effect. I will not let that drop. I had a few precious hours this evening where any thing was possible I could even go for walks now.... yeah right . I got to talk to him. granted it was not what I would have liked to converse about but it was what was needed. and he did go for help they just didn't keep him.
who knows what he told them. I had a turning point a week or so ago, I feel somehow as tho I am past the bottom, and ready to try the climb back to life, today I awoke with the usual where is he?? and then the remember, then the tears then the just get up and get the day going shake it off.... feed the animals take care of myself all the while uneasy, naggy every time I walked by a window, finally I put my pistol in my pocket , uneasy feeling abated. 2 hours later a call J is in the er for mental issues. guess that explains my naggy feeling. then dealing with police and J, getting to tell him get yourself help fix you then you can work at fixing the rest of your life's fuck ups. he kept saying death was the only way I finally told him that he had better sit down and write to his 10 grandkids tell them he is sorry for being such a jerk.
I need to finish the time line prepare for a trial he now says he won't show up to.
I now think that today was all in attempt to make SSD believe he was unbalanced when he had my attorney send a "I no Longer want ssd" letter to drop his benefits so I can't have them. makes perfect sense to his messed up mind. and how off balance he kept me , of course the brain injury didn't hurt his plan at all.
I put my trust for my financial futer in the hands of a man that was there to take advantage and he did and when the money was gone so was my house, I still had my car if I could catch up the payments he quit making, so he stole it and ruined it we still owed almost $9000. on it . and sorry is supposed to fix it ?
3 comments:
I'm taking a deep breath and shaking my head in wonder at it all. You've got a place to stay here should you ever need to get away.
I am still trying to get home for a month but how and when and where is the $ coming from? all the while saving like a miser so I can take my Mom on a 75th B-day trip like I did my Dad..... I am still looking at flights coming into BWI they are usually cheaper than NY more often with only 1 layover too.
so how was meeting Trish ? sometimes when I read her blog I wonder how the hell did she get in my head ? LOL !
I am still trying to get home for a month but how and when and where is the $ coming from? all the while saving like a miser so I can take my Mom on a 75th B-day trip like I did my Dad..... I am still looking at flights coming into BWI they are usually cheaper than NY more often with only 1 layover too.
so how was meeting Trish ? sometimes when I read her blog I wonder how the hell did she get in my head ? LOL !
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