August comes.....

I spend a lot of time alone. it is in ways better for me to function, however I fear I could easily become reclusive in nature.  I like the people in my life, now I trust them all to some degree or another.  making new friends takes effort,  and I am not able to tell when people are lying to me .....obviously lying and I believe....  I gave from love so I know I did right there, but towards the end I did get bitchy about money,   yep,  but by then I knew, you knew what you were doing, and you wouldn't stop till it was all gone, so I gave it away ! & boy does that still roast your nuts !!
as I continue to give away things I paid good money ....God bless every items new owner, let their lives not be ruled by greed. 
"find love" everyone says it's the "answer" ..well, maybe my question was different.
I am continually reminding myself the loss I have suffered in nothing when compared to the families suffering the continuation of life without a loved one. finding a new normal is a daunting task with no compass or map.
I have gotten older this week than one birthday should have allowed !  I look around with oldness in my eyes, a tiredness I have never known before, but have seen it in the eyes of the very old at nursing homes when I was a small child. I am not old, I am 48, I have all of my life ahead of me and wonderful memories mixed in with great lessons behind me,  I am not going to let this put me 6 feet under it still feels as if there is a reason I am still here(...maybe that's just nature "dangling a carrot" to keep me on the treadmill. )
           "reaching out, reaching in,touching truth, touching skin,
   never letting the light slip away... and we walk with the power everyday"

Lord,
help stop the needless suffering, watch over my loved ones near and far.
bless them all and help them to live always with Love Laughter and Light.
help me to be of service to one and all, in your name, Amen.

Love comes at us from some many different directions I am learning to be a mirror to continue the beam!
smile through the tears things will get better.  Love will come into my life again if only I can let it !

August rolls on.....