hard times, good times

It has been a hard week, no hard month. I am very tired all the time my weight is out of control and with the ripping off of a pinkie nail, pain levels have been thru the roof & yet I am dealing ....Thank You, God. I have not gone to bed and stayed there, which is how I have handled pain in the past. after 7 years am I starting to "know" how to deal with the pain with out being aware of the knowledge ? I am doing more with my left hand, but still stupidly reach up for stuff with my right....
how long does sensory muscle memory take to develop ? you would think it would have taken over by now... I fear I am pulling a bit to the right,I have a bit of a list, so to speak..:) I am learning to compensate with my left hand side of the upper body. when I am able to remember, I exercise my arms with the rubber bands...it was working while Johnnie was gone...but with so much going on and on...I am not doing as well as I was in June.
as I think about all of this and even as I write I become more aware of reasons... while Johnnie was gone Zane stayed away and I had only myself to care for (2 cats, 2 dogs, and fish tanks too) I could and did manage the house it was not hospital clean but clean enough for company. now i don't want people to come around. I cannot maintain this house with people in it, sadly. I am able to get them to help, some, but sometimes that takes more effort than just doing it myself,(tho Z is 26 he still argues as tho he is 16) does not matter what either, for example; I told him yesterday that the heppa filters in the Dyson needed to be washed...he said he thought it was sucking better with them dirty ! I have given up ! I did my job with him Lord let him get out on his own, PLEASE before I am old and have to live with him ! one of his friends once joked he would be visiting Z, still at my house when he is 40.....gives me chills ! he's a great kid, and a great worker, but he is getting on this Mommies nerves. enough already...
today is the Christin Stock Memorial self defense class. best ten dollars you will spend ....lots going on so if you are in the Port Angeles area come on over 2-4pm and the cause is a good one.