Fourth of July 2015

Portland was our destination and we got a good start out of Port Angeles 8:40am ish. a stop in Sequim to pay the home depot bill, back on the road, next stop is down the canal at Seal Point state park, for a legs stretch and potty break, traveling with a friend and her 3 yr old daughter. Little A was up for the adventure, with narry a melt down till we were 2 hours out from home on our return. considering we rode a train all around Portland Saturday, to the farmers market and to a great meal at Nameste ending the night with a million others on the rivers edge for fireworks.  one of the nicest I have ever seen, reminded me of sitting on a blanket with my Mom & Dad in Candor NY.
Hailee has settled into her new place as a roommate to a really sweet young Lady, Autumn. They are in a nice family development. nice amenities which we used the pool 2 nights.

 little A on her first all girl time adventure

 a Hike behind Hailee's house with Spiders all along the edge of the trail

 they all had huge webs with a cone at the back of it

 the great adventurer in the lead!

 huggin a tree!

 Portland Art work!

 little ones chasing pigeons at the Saturday Market......

 balloon girl asking for donations.....

 her Lion

 beautiful orange flowers

 lovely bouquet

 dancing to the live band

 wonderful water park !

 beautiful redwood tree

 Josh & Hailee

 one of Portland's many beautiful bridges

 cute outfit!

 the crowd gathers along the bridges...

 Autumn's artwork

 fun at the OMSI museum

 shark teeth

 snake to crawl through, this thing was horrible. I am glad it had no teeth....

 drum sticks anyone?

 nano land

 nice crystals

 always will remind me of Stephen...

 making a sand angel.....

 leaving the sand in the pool !

 Angel wings

 after this stop she has had enough.....a long trip for a 3 yr old, but I'm really glad she got to come along.

 pretty water falling by the beach.....all in all a great long weekend. glad to be home and able to get some rest. got the plates for my car, already have over 2000 miles on it  :) so thankful for the help of Bruce and Bev.
Hopeful everyone in your circle had a great and safe 4th of July! thanks for looking in on mine.

wonderful weekend in February

Friends of friends that have over the years, become my friends came to visit at the condo I have been unpacking .  I left  my camera in Camas in January and so not a single picture do I have but what a fun weekend we had. I was pleasantly surprised that my little blind deaf doggie got along with their 2 pups, she has not been friendly to any other dogs since the terrible attach. I was spoiled as they took me out to food every day :)
the first night we went to Los Palomas in Sequim. yum the next morning we were slow in deciding but got on the road to Neah Bay. we stopped along the way for snacks at the Joyce general Store and a visit to the museum to Catch Whale Lady Margaret Owens to see the super cool museum that is free! and met a local author who is working on her next book about towns along the coast that have gone extinct... and then an old truck in a new building holds a big saw that Bruce's grandpa used to cut the ice out of the lake with in upstate NY. ahhh the memories ! and then the store is over 100 years old and the owner is behind the counter, keeping costs down ! Bev had never been here before so we really looked in every nook and cranny....on to Clallam Bay and Olsens at Seiku that is now being run by a new multi generational family moved here from Idaho, I am happy to see new young blood coming into the area. the black fish were in and fishermen had limited out by noon when we arrived.
on to hobuck beach Mr Bruce let me drive so he could take a break. I took them to hobuck beach and let the doggies get out and Ivy loves the beach....I let her off lead (DUM) had to run along with her which she loved and thought it was a game so she went faster....Dear god don't let her heart give out here in front of these kids! the beach was the fullest I have ever seen it, kids in wet suits surfing, kids in bikinis swimming...Bev found a perfect sand dollar...some cool rocks that clams bore holes through....on the way back we traveled 113 to 101 stopping at Hungry bear rest. north of Sapho on 101...yum and fun. great fries!! fun pictures on the walls too.
a great day ! but poor Ivy was not used to the diesel fumes and had a horrible night which made their dogs have a terrible nights sleep...so with slow going Sunday morning i made us a nice breakfast and we were of to see some sights of sequim before they have to head back to Graham, Wa.  Port Williams bay and the mountains are soooo beautiful and out in full view 100's of miles away and just so visible and beautiful! back roads to the old restored Sequim School House, and then to the OLYMPIC GAME FARM !! one of my favorite places to take people. we usually have kids with us tho....lol! I have never seen so many eagles on site. and this time I fed a bald eagle apiece of wheat bread and he ate it!!! we had so much fun oh my ! the bears were not fun couldn't even get them to wave! but the buffalo were great thought Bev was gonna end up in my lap ! they will be bringing the girls and grandkids out the end of march for spring break.... I love showing people my peninsula!

an open letter to

Please understand that living with chronic pain does not make me less human.
I spend most of my days in considerable pain and exhaustion. I am still me however, stuck inside this broken body, with a broken brain. I struggle every day not to spend it in worry over matters I have little ability to change like....no money...lots a bills.....no car.....limited distances I can go any given day...what my future holds.... this was not what I had in mind for the best years of my life.
The day of the accident I was 3 years into a 5 year plan, and doing great ! I had already achieved 2 of my 5th year goals, purchased my own home , no gov. program help, just me and my hard work, and I had become manager in my photo lab....ready to work for the next 20 years and put my retirement in order, no kids to work for,working just for my future!...my Lab was a great team, they liked me because I worked harder than they did, I wasn't afraid of 16 hour days...I worked through everything,.... until the 5 months after the accident...I was falling behind in my paper work and I couldn't understand it anymore.....I couldn't tell time on a non-digital clock any more?....am I going crazy?? have you any idea how terrifying this still IS?...back to the doc, time off, and pills to be up, pills to sleep,... Therapy, Physical therapy, nucca chiropractic therapy, acupuncture, sports/manual therapy....do this exercise, do this stretch,....  tests galore, xrays.... mri's.....go  here to this doc 3x a week....go here to this brain school....graduate? (I even asked what does that mean)......pay for it all out of my pocket. no wonder 130,000 dollars disappeared so fast.
just because you are miserable when you are ill, doesn't mean I can afford to be miserable with pain EVERY day for the rest of my life-I live this misery- I chose for those outside my body to not know just what level of pain I am in. I put on the happy face even if all I do is pet the cat all day.
I have to get up I have a senior dog that needs heart meds at 7am, somedays I make it by 9am. If I don't get up when she has to go out I have to deal with pee and poop somewhere in my Sons house... most days now, as the 11th anniversary of the accident approaches,I am getting up somewhere between 7-9am....feeding dogs and cat....walking little doggie if I can.....depends on pain levels... If its over an 8- I generally medicate and go back to bed, my cat is good for curling up with me and making me pet him, at least my arm is getting exercise.... 6-8 pain and I medicate, and try to push through chores, dishes or laundry, all I am able to do these days, and it takes days to get it done, pain under 5 usually means chores get done today, the doggie gets a walk and crafting if I'm able( it is my main leisure activity now....) ...all the while doing these things outside,  inside I am working hard to NOT be miserable...I  was once a very active woman, I worked 40 +hours weekly, backpacked 10 + miles a day with a 60 lb pack on my back,  now I fill time waiting to die.
Understand that chronic pain is variable...It's possible that one day I am able to walk to the park and back and back no problem, while the next day  I can't get past the door and my cat is keeping me company in bed..."but you were out yesterday"? .... this is my new life, what is, IS.deal with it.
If you want me to do something, then ask, if I can I will gladly, sometimes I will say yes, and have to cancel with short notice, please don't take it personally, rather remember and be thankful for all you are physically able to do. Just because I managed to "stand" for 20 minutes today doesn't mean I can stand for 10 minutes another day... substitute "walking,thinking, being social, concentrating, working,...for standing in previous sentence ....thats what chronic pain has done to me. but I am learning to cope.  Understand the difference between between  Happy & Healthy; when you have the flu you are miserable, I have been in chronic pain for 11 years, I am choosing to NOT be as miserable as I truly feel.
this disease, chronic pain is like living on a yo-yo, I never know what will be from morning to morning, and then it changes minute to minute through out the day. On days when I choose to go and participate with family and friends, know that these days do not make me feel better, quite the opposite, they make my pain level much worse-you do not know what I go through or how I suffer in my own private time . A single activity(like riding in a car)can cause more damage and physical pain than you can imagine, and the recovery time from said activity can take 4 times longer than the activity did!  If I were capable of working/cleaning/hiking or just doing anything reliably, don't  you think that after 11 years of this shit I would just be doing it ??  If I could work I would, even at walmart...
You can't always know my pain level, its not as easy to read on my face or see in my body language as it once was, while I could say I am getting better at concealing it, with the brain injury, its more likely  that I am just not out in public to be seen any more.  .... once a month grocery shopping and any time that one of the girls takes me out to coffee, those are my outings every month.  twice a year if I can manage to save 300. dollars I can go to my friends weekend scrapbooking  retreats. I am blessed with great friends.  chronic pain also causes secondary depression, whom wouldn't be depressed with all I've been through?
no more cures, please no more tests, not because I don't want to be well, but because I have tried it all and there is no cure for chronic pain. I did every thing every doctor said, did every exercise took every medication recommended, took every test and failed them all, if there was a cure for chronic pain I would know it before you.  Still here I am 11 years later filling out more forms to prove I am STILL disabled....?...
I'm sorry in advance for the bitchy days, pain does that to me, and sometimes I do not realize how much pain I am masking until I "hear myself snap" at someone. chronic pain is hard to understand, unless you have it, and I hope you NEVER do. It wreaks havoc on the mind body and soul, its exhausting I am doing my best to cope with/live happily with my pain. bare with me accept me as I am, knowing tomorrow I will be different. try to understand  at least in general how forever changed my life is, how changed I am.
In many way I depend on people who are not sick, I need rides to the store for food, to doctor appointments, recreation that I can participate in, - mostly I need you to come visit me when I cannot get out.
I need help every day with cooking and cleaning, everyday,...did you hear me?... EVERY DAY I NEED HELP, something from someone just to live my life.........Imagine if this were your new life.... would you choose happy or misery?
thankfully I am better off than some. As long as God has me waking every morning I will do the best I can. Thank You for your time.

Christmas 2014

a few weeks before Christmas Son said he wanted Ham potatoes and gravy for dinner. So I bought a great big one, (we both love it) then I found out we were going to Lynden to see Mom and Daughter and Grandkids! whoop whoop !
so Christmas Eve with no hurry we button up the house in Port Angeles, leaving Tigger in charge...

 a beautiful afternoon for travel across the Puget Sound, across Whidbey Island, and up  I-5

 I arrived hungry to Moms this table will do ! notice my almost empty plate? I started with Brownie caramel/cream cheese pie. yep its as decadent as it sounds and looks ! she saved the last batch of peanut butter balls for Son to help dip

CHristmas Eve we piled into C's van and she toured us all around to see the Christmas lights. Coaches house wins my best of show! then we went back to see the Grandkids open a present(new pj's) and make the gingerbread houses. what fun they were for the adults mostly, but the kids seem to enjoy the entertainment, hope they enjoyed the eating !

Mom 

 opening her presents while  Z sleeps ! Merry Christmas !

 

 great grand puppy loves his Christmas bone !

 Granddaughter is sweet 16 already !

 Grand Son

 Daughter

 BOOTS!

 He's looking more and more like his Daddy, getting taller like him too !

the practice soccer 

jersey from his favorite team Barcelona

the gingerbread houses we all helped make after seeing lights on Christmas Eve what fun!

 they grow up so quickly!!

 selfies from another prospective........

gotta love how much they are changing. what an exciting time they are growing into !!
so glad I got time with them short as it was ....I am Thankful.

we left on Christmas day and had an uneventful trip home Tigger was very glad for our return as we started a fire and that gives him a warm place to curl up. I hope you had a Merry time where ever you were and love whomever you were with.

GOOD-BYE 2014!!

brrr time !

frost on the pumpkins for 5 nights running, yikes its chilly out there! then I look at the weather for family in NY and they are expecting 3 inches of snow....that 4 letter word !
I live in the pacific northwest  for the wonderful winters!  rain can get dreary but oh my never as bad as snow and cold like I grew up in ! as I age it hurts me in ways I never knew pain could... this year I stayed to late in NY my arthritis is having a field day with my hands. doing honey and cinnamon every day for help. My sweet little Ivy came home yesterday, Mom and her friend brought her all the way over, ate, napped  and  left. I didn't take a single picture...what is wrong with me? those two ladies are 75plus years old and they are so active, bless them Lord! they are good people, and our world needs more good people.
 I have a funeral to go to today. a Mass for Mike..... thankful he is no longer trapped in a defective body, fly free my friend, I am glad I knew you when I did! but you are dearly missed.
 along with my little doggy Mom brought bead stuff to me from a neighbor that moved back to the Philippines. she has lived in Canada, New York City, and Lynden, Wa, over the last 5 years. she was a world traveler she brought jewelry making supplies all over the world, high quality stuff, gemstones big marble size!  while I am not into big jewelry I am hoping i can make some pieces that will sell and help me get that dream vehicle ..... so be watching for pictures~!  real pearls corals that are now protected......I am more than a bit over whelmed by all the different things and possibilities where to start ? I have made some dragon flys with the glass and seed beads.....maybe I will photograph them ....

October in NY

my 2nd home. Thank You Dusti and Roger for always welcoming me !

so much color still on the trees !

 so much fun in the leaves!!

my cousin Pam and her Fiance' Greg came to visit ! bringing me a much needed care package  :)

pumpkins and gordes growing in a lilac bush..

last night was Spirits in the Castle at the 1890's house in Cortland, NY. all the proceeds went to the roof repair that must be started and completed soon or they will not be able to repair whole walls withing the castle.  I cannot believe how much more damage there is than the last time I was there 3 years ago. it was fun with 13 of our group doing it together, no spirits for us, but we made the best of it and had a grand time. more pictures when I can get them to load !